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I fell in love in Italy

I fell in love in Italy, for a split second
I fell in love with a girl on a bike.
Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that
I fell in love with a girl and her bike.
Maybe if she were to get off to greet me,
I would fall out of love before realising, I was ever in love at all
This probably means I didn't fall from a great distance,
it was so quick it had no time to resonate, I did not feel any pain, 
no heart wrenching dismay, no pages worth a novel.
She passed me like a gentle breeze, 
as I looked up from my propped up knees
waking me from my musings, albeit somewhat confusing, knew I had fallen, 
nigh missed the sensation

Nonetheless, a small part of myself is now
trudging uphill somewhere,
in Bassano Italy, manoeuvring themselves through cramped streets
to go home (?)

Pretty thing and her bike, they'll never know
what I lost to them, like a reverse robbery, both parties victims of this 
accidental crime
Maybe I'll forget, about my piece of heart by tomorrow
I wonder if that would be considered tragic

Unsupervised tree,

Cat in a box

Paradox

I concluded that, this is perhaps how humans slowly
find themselves in debt with life
We fall small distances, commit accidental crimes; ever so often 
we lose some heart.
Until the pay is too high and we run out of breath, 
chasing bikes and fluttering hair in daydreams

I somehow like to think of dying that way
A lifetime of unconscious, generous loving,
Until there is no more love to give away
6

“What came first the chicken or the Dickhead?”

Hello Internet, good evening, how are you doing? I have been doing alright. I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much… well, at least not that much for a person that is usually perpetually active on twitter and such places.

Rephrase: “I haven’t been around nearly as much as I usually would be. For that I am sorry in the rare event that you might have missed me or wondered if I have become roadkill by now, I’m still alive. Hi!”

I am alive and well, currently in Italy on vacation with my family. I think I needed a little of that. Some history, sun and touristy activities. I recommend it, even if it is not somewhere like Italy. A change of pace is always a nice idea when you feel overloaded with everything.

Since going on this trip, I have been limiting my usage of data. I will have to credit a huge part of this decision not as much to my iron will as to the fact that I cannot afford to use the amount of wild data necessary for constant updates in a foreign country, on top of that not every public place has free WIFI-access. Tragic much. Not to mention, skype has not been working for me since 1920 so that’s all the way downplay ayyy…  This data-diet made me realise something: No matter how ‘millennium generation’ this sounds, Twitter and Skype have become very dear to me. I am positively addicted if that wasn’t clear already. Going cold Turkey has been vexing, frustrating and lonely despite being around people. I had to turn more and more to myself for my spur of the moment thoughts and could not rid of them if I tried. I first thought I just had to “suffer” through this and enjoy my vacation ignoring that gnawing feeling until I noticed that this kind of environment made it easier for me to write. That made it all suddenly way more beareable, it did!

Alright, I suppose “write” does sound a little pretentious for what I am actually doing. Just think about the actual verb instead of anything grand or philosophical. An “Anba Len novel” won’t be in your local bookshop for quite awhile, I reckon.

Writing could be anything, from doodles on napkins to sagas about worlds visited through old closets. I will leave it to you to decide on which side of the scale my scribbles belong.

Along that line I realised that, perhaps, Twitter, as convenient as it is, makes me milk my thoughts a little to quickly. I tend to follow the principle “Uit het oog, uit het hart.” in life. I reckon it is one of those emotional defense mechanisms or something… it’s a Dutch saying that means as much as “Once something/someone leaves your field of vision, it/they also leave(s) your thoughts.” literally translated it says “Out of the eye, out of the heart.”

More tangibly put, I tend to over-share, albeit with some censoring here and there. I tend to quickly discard my thoughts without fully developing the raw materials that come up in that split second. I send them off almost simultaneously as they come up. Instant gratification. I believe that even someone like I has their moments of brilliance, but instead of sitting on that egg for awhile I immediately tend to throw it on some hot rice with soy sauce to put on the table. Whilst that can be tasty and filling, it does not touch upon even a notion of the many more nutrituous possibilities eggs have combined with other ingredients and techniques. Twitter and other such convenient places have become a place of egg dumping instead of refining the art of cooking and baking. When they do develop, it is mainly because I have bright followers helping me, it all never goes very far by myself.

The cold turkey state I’m in right now, however, left me to fend on my own. Apparently that is not necessarily a bad thing. Some battles should be fought by yourself.

I came up with quite a few interesting musings, or so I’d like to think myself. There is always the danger, however, that this semi-internet-confinement has left me vulnerable to my natural haughtiness and arrogance. No one around to put my feet back on the ground and stuff. Though as time passes I have come to ponder if that arrogance is not the key to something more?

From experience and hearsay I know that children tend to commit to develop the skills they are already praised for. Why would you develop a skill you are seemingly bad at anyways? You either already think you are good at it or can see yourself being good at it. I know quite the fair amount of people, for example, that went into teaching because they thought the teachers they had were rubbish and they saw themselves doing better. An interview of my favourite English band, The Arctic Monkeys, confirmed those thoughts for me. Alex Turner, the lyricist and main vocalist of the band, mentioned how he first tried his hand at writing lyrics when he was 12. At 12 years old he heard a song from the Beatles and thought it sounded like something silly he could have come up with if he had sat down to write it. Much like we all probably had a moment in life where we looked at a Picasso painting and found ourselves, in our imagination at least, capable of such paintings if we had a reliable gag-reflex, ate just the right amount and variation of finger-paint and were sat in front of a canvas. Some well timed arrogance lead him to try to write for himself and then learn first-hand how it is not as easy as it looks/sounds.

I found that notion interesting. A pinch of arrogance, some reality and then acquired humbleness to a serious and focused pursuit of the art. All of this realised without the help of any social media or person to tell him he should go for it. Even now he, apparently, abhors the idea of Twitter. I am fairly certain that this attitude has become part of the AM marketing stunt, but let us stay romantic and assume he does this to sit on those eggs in his head, developing them by himself until he throws it into public and hatches a golden one or to make some mighty good cheese and spinach omelet with it.

For now, I am studying up on that and trying out this and that by myself. I hope that I can show you the fruit-… er… eggs (?) of my efforts someday…

Anyways.

Though micro-blogging has become as natural as breathing for me, lengthy blogging like this is unknown territory. A little frightening even… hopefully I will manage to get a little better at it over time.

As always, feel free to leave comments, I can only learn from you!! Meanwhile, I will do my best to sit on these little quail eggs here for awhile so that maybe someday I will hatch something that can move about on its own and if not I will watch some more literary Ramsey videos to whip up, at least, a decent sunny side up when we meet again.

Goodnight!

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Free talk: Trivial things I am troubled by

Hello!! It has been awhile, hasn’t it? I realised I haven’t been very nice to this blog in the least. If this blog were a pet it would have been very lonely and I feel kind of sorry for it… the thing is that everytime I sit in front of my keyboard to write something down I feel like I am saying things no one is waiting for. “These kind of things are more of a twitter-thing, aren’t they?” I end up feeling insecure and then delete my draft. This has happened several times already, until something inside of me started to yell that I should get a grip,

so here we are!!

The topic of today would be “trivial things I am troubled by.”

I think all of us experience these trivial things in life that end up troubling you somewhat. I’m sorry, I’m not being very clear about it, so I will just provide a concrete example:

Trivial trouble 1

When I am watching an anime I can suddenly feel the immense urge to watch one of my favourite Japanese stand up comedian pairs do some sketches or talks, so I pause the anime I am watching and watch one of their shows. Whilst I am watching a show, however, I suddenly feel really curious about the developments in the anime episode I abandoned… in fact, it could be said that the continuation of the story is on my mind the entire time but my urge to watch a comedy video overtakes that curiosity for the time being, so I endure my curiosity for the sake of my urges. This gets on my nerves after awhile so I naturally go back to the anime episode I was watching which then gets interupted by another comedy-urge.

As you can guess, this goes on and off with in between some Nico douga-live streams of my favourite live-streamers and maybe some recordings of radio-shows with Minagawa Junko in them. Recently she is in this show called “Super Lovers” so she is back to having a regular radio show hosted with her co-actors in the series…anyways…

what I am trying to say is that, this is something that is honestly troubling me quite a bit. I feel I might be someone that is very true to their desires…but I am also very insecure about choosing what to spend my time on, so it is hard for me to focus on one thing. It always feels like I am wasting time and am scared I will regret it, so I go back and forth a lot.

Does anyone else experience the same troubles? Does anyone have any advice for how they overcome these kind of trivial troubles?

Definitely leave a comment to tell me what you think and maybe some advice!

Thank you and see you later!

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Studying music?

A few musicians I thought I could share!! I like to listen to them anytime, but especially when I’m in a certain mood. Late evenings on my own, when I’m studying, when I’m writing, when I’m drawing,… that is to say, when I need to get into a zone where I seperate myself from my body or something vague like that. To me, listening to them can bring me into this seperate universe which calmes me down and helps me come up with ideas and to formulate my thoughts.

I left a link of one of their songs each, not necessarily the one I like best, but rather one I would like you to listen to or something… There is no particular order here either, whether I prefer listening to one over the other depends entirely on my mood. Anyways, here you go!:

  • Greyson Chance: not a big surpise here, I’ve been hovering around him ever since the paparazzi upload. Creepy? I know. But totally worth it, he keeps growing and developing his music. His current style is completely in synch with the kind of music I can’t get enough of these days. He’s brilliant.
  • In the same line Troye Sivan: I knew him as a vlogger when he suddenly decided to show up up with his song “Happy little pill” followed by and album and the “Blue neighbourhood” series which smashed me right in the inspiration. His lyrics make for nice poetry and his voice… God his voice!
  • Melanie Martinez: Sweetness and creepy in one? Here she is! Her singing style is so very distinct and her songs tell stories. Need I say more? Her stories remind me somewhat of Momo’s style (Project-Mili) of writing sweet, almost fairy tale like, stories with a dark twist to them, so there is no way I could not like her her, right? The flow of the melodies she sings have a particular lulling effect that make you enter a different zone from say Greyson or Troye’s kind of heavier, music. Troye’s music is like being under water looking up to the surface, the sun and the waves. Greyson’s would be being outside in the cold, near a highway under the streetlights with your breath showing up in white clouds and Melanie music is like being at a candy store with bad hygiene, where the sweet smell of various candy lures you in until it assaults you and you feel like vomitting rainbows. When the mood is right I just want to flow on her falling melodies, her syrupy voice and crash with her!
  • Miley Cyrus: Surpise? Though her own music is hit and miss for me, mostly miss, I am obsessed with the texture and timbre of her voice!! Initially, I didn’t like the nasal sound much, but combined with that power from the pit of her stomach and that raw sound from the back of her throat it is addicting to listen to. Her backyard sessions and the covers she does on radio-shows give me life! Her rendition of Summertime sadness has been looped grey by yours truly. I also recommend her cover of “Why’d you only call me when you’re high” and her duet with Ariana Grande “Don’t dream it’s over.” I am honestly not a big Ariana fan as her voice is kind of boring to me, but that flat texture with Miley’s raw one made for a very pleasing duet to listen to!!
  • Hayley Williams/Paramore: Some sugary teen-rock and why f*cking not? Her vocals are incredible!! She has personality and if you don’t feel like having to decipher or interpret songs too much her lyrics are nice and to the point. More often than not, very cliché even, but seriously, who cares? Catchy, fun and powerful! Jumping around makes for good exercise!
  • Arctic Monkeys: I never really stopped listening to them as most people following me on twitter can probably attest… haha… I have literally nothing more to say before I’d say way too much for it to be anything substantial at all! Their music helped me through very rough times. Even now I come back to their stuff to inhale their particular sound that reeks of cigarettes, alcohol, dirty bars and streets and lone days in a run down apartment with only yourself, your guitar, a history of broken hearts and a bottle of Jack Daniels for company. When you are said and need to feel understood or need to feel a certain atmosphere for comfort, their stuff can really bring you from happy highs to deep, raw and emotional sober moments. Alex Turner’s lyrics are true poetry.
  • Tourist Lemc: My Belgian obsession!! Singing in the local dialect of the Antwerp region about things that speak to Belgians and other West-Europeans especially. Very down to earth music, it inspires me so much. His attitude and brilliance are apparent in every song he comes up with and each performance he gives. I want to see him live so badly. He has an amazingly keen awareness of himself as a person, who he is as an artists, how those two are seperate beings but also come together and what message he wants to bring in his lyrics and music. I respect him enormously and wish him and his music would be recognised more widely!!
  • Mika: A little odd one in this list perhaps, seeing as most of the music here is of the heavy high kind. Mika’s songs make me feel so happy and like I’m on clouds! It’s great to listen to when you’re commuting to somewhere. It makes the world that much more colourful! His songs also contain interesting stories from a different realm and are real mood setters for if you’re too deep in the zone and need to resurface and breath a little!! Too much zone can kill your creativity as much as it build it. You need balance!
  • Regina Spektor: She tells surrealistic stories with her lyrics and plays so much with her voice, I can’t not love her! She has a happy-in-the-rain-aspect to her songs. I like listening to her on the bus and at home, when I’m doing anything really! She has that fragile feeling to her voice that makes me want to sip water!! Healthy if nothing else haha!

There are a whole lot more, but these are the first few that popped up in a snap. What do you think? Agree with my list or think it’s rubbish? Any suggestions for artists I can listen to during studying or maybe as a cooldown after an intense session? There are many more but I would have to sit down and write down a real list and… yeah… anyways.

Let’s talk music! I am practically parched here!!! ❤

-Anba-

 

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Buon Compleanno Lovino e Feliciano!!

A few minutes before the end of their birthday in Europe, I rushed and made this post to celebrate their birthday!! A photoshoot with the progress of Boss and Henchman’s room!! I don’t know if I already screamed here about obtaining Spain by the way? Well then… hereby you know… I also made another unboxing video, so look forward to that?

My Hetalia twitter was such a blast!! The amount of Romano and Veneciano theme’d art I have seen!! I made a lot of new friends as well. Incidentally, I have noticed a lot of accounts that are really into the Hetalia character “Belgium” started following me. It was a little weird at first but they are all super-sweet people that just really adore Belgium and I could not feel happier!!

Now in this picture you might have noticed it all looking a little empty. I’m slowly and gradully working on making it fuller and more of a room to live in for the both of them! I painted the Italian flag-poster in the back myself (A true Picasso). The room probably needs a Spanish flag later but that one is slightly more complicated so I will do that when I my brain is not sautéed… we’ll see what we can do..

It’s actually a lot of fun to busy myself with these kind of things in between all the schoolwork I have been facing recently. Just doing something with your hands and marvelling at how cute the characters are. Somehow, I feel that the trash-life is a great way for escapism. Only that I am too old to sink into the “nyan x3” depths so I do not really escape as much as use it as a sanctuary to not think about what I need to do all the time… which is… not escapism? Just blatant denial of reality for a few forgiving minutes until I use that strength to kick myself back in gear!

Anyways, here a message I wrote in my best Italian…

Il mio augurio parte dal profondo del cuore con sincerità, per arrivare a te felicità ed augurarti buon compleanno Lovino e Feliciano! 💕🇮🇹

I’m sorry, I don not have a Feliciano figure, but uh… look in the left on the box. He’s somewhat present in spirit? (Gilbert too, for some awesome reason or the other.)

See you next post, grazie e ci vediamo, arrivederci!!

Ps: don’t you just love Romano’s eternal side-eyes at Spain? Also, Spain’s arm at the right angel gives the impression that he’s making a selfie 8′)!!

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Unpackaging, the story of a basic-weeb

Remember those bazillion times I offhandedly mentioned that I have become more intense of a weeb? Yeah… so, I bought a figure. Yes. On the 9th of February 2k16, AnbaLen has officially bought official Anime merchandise that is not a book nor a CD.

What is worse is that it is from a 2K9/2k11 fandom; talk about prehistoric… “Which fandom?” you might ask, ever heard of… Hetalia? For as long as I remember it existing that fandom terrified me so I kept away from it for a very long time. Now that the coast seems to be clear, I feel I can share this basic-weeb side of myself with you!!(`д´#)

I ended up buying 2 figures. One from Ebay and one from a Japanese store called “Rakuten.” They are both one coin figures, the only official Hetalia figures available that don’t look like someone digested them beforehand. One coin figures are basically meant to be surprises, like game center merchandise/gacha prizes, and are aimed at collectors that can contact others to exchange them and whatnot. You could also buy one of the bigger sets they have so you are certain that your favourite is in it. The costs for one set, however, could be well over 300$. I was not THAT desperate yet. So I went for second hand figures, which just means they were bought individually and that the box has been opened to see who is in it. The one that has arrived yesterday, and that I went to pick up to bring home today, is this kid!!:

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Amateur camera-work by yours truly, yes my room is an organised mess, don’t be jealous.

This character is called Romano or South Italy Isn’t he adorable? He is supposed to be the personification of the Southern part of Italy and is one of my favourite Hetalia characters. My other favourite is bound to arrive a little later. I’m a little bummed that they never made the Benelux, a complete Tomato-set would be heaven. But hey, the show has not ended yet! I should be grateful they Überhaubt thought of Romano, seeing they only went for the regular characters.

I am always super-doubtful about buying things through the internet, so I was pleasantly surprised at the speed of Romano’s arrival. I bought him the 9th of February and he arrived here from Japan on the 16th. His shipping was free as well. Many thanks to seller Muller3373 for their reliability, generous prices and fast delivery! ❤ I spent about 24$ on him in total, which is 21.75€ at the moment. I thought that was worth it. I am not really a figure person to be honest. Never knew what I would do with it. But this one is super-cute and magnetic so I think I might have fun sticking him to random surfaces and sharing pictures of his journeys to places!! (I forgot I am an emotional s*cker when it comes to these type of things. Figures why I can’t buy too many of these, I’ll hoard and go broke)

If you are also into Hetalia, and more specifically the Tomato family, do not hesitate to come have a talk with me!! The fandom has burned out a little, which has its advantages but also its disadvantages. I Hope this was a fun read and hope you will look forward to my next update, hopefully soon, where I will introduce the guy I bought to keep this kid company!!

Ps: I will share this again adding a link to the unpackaging video when I’m done rendering it. So you might want to check the bottom of this post again later!

Edit: Here we go!! The unpackaging video

 

-Anba-

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A once in a blue moon update:

Hello internet! It has been quite awhile, hasn’t it? I keep on saying this for each update here because it keeps holding true. Sorry for the wait!! So here we are, it is 2k16, isn’t it? We are already on the second month, how is this one fairing for you? I hope fun things have happened to you. And if not, hold your socks for the rest of the year cause it might all still be coming for you!  If you’re wondering about the banana-front, we’re slowly ready to release a nice collaboration this month. I think my twitter followers, especially, will appreciate this one. The upcoming collaboration has quite some people you might have heard of before?! ;’) WINKWONKERSWANKWONK and for people that don’t follow me on twitter, you will get the chance to meet some awesome people!! Isn’t that a coold deal? I’d say YES. No is not an option, I’m afraid. As for a solo, it is all still in the make. I’m honestly a little stumped, call it a block? I keep on questioning and second guessing myself. Trying, scrapping, trying again, feeling bummed out. I receive so much love and support, I just can’t seem to come up nor make anything to make up for all of that. You’re literally too awesome for me (apparently that’s a thing this year?!). I’ll get there though, I always do!! Inspiration just needs to hit me like BAM. If anyone is interesting in helping me out on the music, art or mixing front, you’re always welcome to contact me with some samples of yours by e-mail (Anba_Len@hotmail.com)!!

Cool? Cool!

Now onto less youtube channel related news, I have recently bought a few fun steam games of which “Don’t starve” the package deal includes a multiplayer version “Don’t starve together” which I am kind of hooked on as of recent. It’s a  charming little indie-game with a Tim Burton-esque atmosphere to it. You know, that particular mash of adorable and morbid? Yes, that. It’s kind of awesome! If you’re interested in playing it with me, definitely add me on Steam!! Just ask me for my ID on twitter @Anba_LenU2B or facebook or something, I know it’s a roundabout way to add me but I’d like to know who adds me before I accept ;’).

Games aren’t the only thing I have been going on about though… I have a terrible confession to make to everyone… see, I have fallen back into that swamp called “Hetalia.” Yeah… I used to be a fan before but kept it mellow; the hardcore fans kind of creeped me out to be honest, so I enjoyed it from afar. Since the coast has become clear, I have gone back to it and I must say… I’m sinking deep… At this point I’m doing a backstroke in the swamp, enjoying myself like the piece of trash I am haha. If anyone else likes Hetalia, and then the Tomato-family in particular, hit me up because they are my weakness!! I need more Tomato-friends. It’s almost ironic that I can not eat raw tomatoes, at least I can eat them processed. Another bowl of tomato soup with bananas please!  (believe me it’s a delicacy) ❤ You’re also more than free to hit me up if you’re into Karamatsu, Ketsuekigatakun, the Rakugo anime or Boku dake ga inai machi! They are my weekly paintrip.

That was that then!! An update. I like how this has become a sort of “summary” of a lot of things you see me go on about on twitter. It’s nice to get that in one post though, right? Stay healthy, positive and busy! You’re amazing for keeping up with me like you do. See you around, hopefully very soon!! ❤