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AnbasRubbish: Empathy issues

 

Good day everyone!!

Hope you’re doing good over there, remember to take care of your health! Your health is the foundation of anything else you would like to reach in life, becoming sick because of the seasons changing or feeling down because bad sleeping habits prevent your brain from dealing with the this and thats of life are really not favourable for any of us. Take care!


Today I would like to talk a little bit about empathy.

Over the years that I have been living, which haven’t been as many but I presume about the same, if not a little, more than the majority of my Youtaite/Utaite audience, I have realised that something I sometimes struggle with is empathy.

When you are using your computer as a means of communicating with your friends all over the world, when you are watching the news, when people tell you things that don’t necessarily interest you, etc… empathy can be a struggle.

I used to believe I lacked empathy, that something was fundamentally wrong with me when I watch the news and hear about something terrible, but don’t feel much for it because it all seems like some kind of far away television show. When I see people in a bad shape and don’t feel much for them. Was I lacking empathy? Was something wrong with my brain or heart?

I came to the conclusion that, that is not the case.
In fact, I believe I am actually quite an empathic person, but that I oftentimes struggle with dealing with that feeling. Why? Because it exhausts me. So, I consciously and also unconsciously started to block out things that could weigh on me.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually believe that this is a very important skill to have because otherwise everything would bring us down. The problem, however, was that I did not know how to deal with it when I pushed things away that did matter a lot and that it came to bite me in the behind. I am often called fastidious and that might really be true, especially when it comes to what I think I should feel and do. I have a certain image in my mind about myself and push myself to act accordingly. I feel cognitive dissonance when I can not help certain aspects in life, even though I think I should feel for them, which in turn exhausts me, so instead I decided to block them all out to preserve myself. Even things that really did matter and that I could change.

Feeling down is something no one likes, feeling down because someone else is feeling bad almost feels like you got infected by some contagious negative vibe. Tumblr and all those kind of places tell us to prioritise our own feelings over everyone else’s, because it presumes we only care about everyone else and never about ourselves and that this is the source of our stress and struggles. This is, however, strange advice because if we do so, won’t we become people that don’t care at all?

It’s all about me, me, me is not the kind of person I want to be.

The key is to balance this feeling out. Prioritise and open up. It’s easier said than done, but that is something I am also still learning to do because I believe there is value in doing so for the people around me which in turn will create value for myself.

When you feel for your friends misfortune it’s easy to fall together with them in a loop of sadness and/or anger. The idea is to learn to accept that this will happen and then deal with it. “Deal with it” is not some buzz-sentence that means “do something, I don’t know what, just get it done.” By “deal with it” I mean that you are actively searching for a way to help by accepting the truth of the situation and then processing it to flip it around again.

When we look at paintings from a distance they look magnificent and amazing, it is when we start to look up close and dissect everything to how it “should be” that we lose the capability to enjoy it for what it is. This is the same for when we look at ourselves and what happens around us.

I know every psychologist and consultant/friend you have will say so and that it is all easier said than done, but that does not mean you should give up on it and declare it a mission impossible. Processing is what we fail to do because it requires us to think about a problem which might stress us out if we believe it is hard/impossible to solve and then we shove it aside “we can’t help it.” Instead, we should focus on breaking the problem apart into manageable pieces, to look at it from different angles and to ask ourselves questions about what we can do. We should also believe that we can. My post about motivation has this as an essential step. It is important to believe we can do something. It is important to look at the problem, to break it apart so we won’t tackle a huge load and set ourselves up for failure and uncertainty.

Believe it or not, my dog’s puppy classes taught me that one. Don’t ask your dog to do a backflip from the get-go. Don’t put it in a stressful environment and get mad when simple commands like “sit” do not seem to work. Train in a calm environment and slowly build external noise up so your pup gets used to it and you will be surprised with all the things he is capable of!!

What I felt compelled to share with you today is to not push everything and everyone to a corner in your mind, because those things will only add to your stress. Open up, let it in, try to process it as far as you can and look for ways to deal with them.

I cannot end the world hunger, but I can do things like, buy consciously when I go into the food aisle. Even if this sounds like you’re just trying to “make yourself feel like a better person” then what gives? That is also part of empathy. It’s alright to “make yourself feel like a better person” because when you take steps to help someone, you are in fact trying to be a better person which brings satisfaction because we are social creatures that function that way. That’s not wrong, it’s actually super-good! It means you acknowledge you did something for someone, that is being empathic. That’s why it’s such a great thing to help each other out. It’s full of mutual benefits and a way of sharing experiences and feeling like part of a system/group you belong in.

Moderation is the key for everything.

Now, my example of world hunger is maybe a far stretch. It is not something you can change in a day, but your friend feeling stressed, your mother feeling irritated, etc… are things you can definitely deal with by talking things over and actively looking for a solution.

It is okay to block out certain things, you cannot shoulder the world. But I sincerely believe that if we all open up just a little to the things we know are important to us, that we will be able to create a better environment for ourselves as well. We can not shoulder the world alone, but if we all stand around the edges, count to three and lift it together, we might be able to manage in carrying it to a place we want it to be in. This is why I believe that politicians like Trump do not fit in this kind of society where tolerance and empathy are essential to change anything at all.

Remember that super-cool anime that was basically talking about the concept of “karma?” Yeah, full metal Alchemist, that one. It taught me about the concept of “equivalent exchange”. I sincerely believe that this concept is applicable to life in general.

When you reject an entire group of people, like Trump suggested with his Mexican wall, they will also reject you. How does that benefit either of you? Not to go into politics, but it just happens to fall in this topic. Think about it if you don’t agree already haha.

There is no way to measure how much you help someone with small actions. It’s not like a set currency. Even if not everyone will respond in the way you expect, you can still walk away with the feeling you did something right, something small that can at least affect your direct environment and the people that matter in your life. Expectations is something we can’t help to have, that’s alright. I believe being a “good person” also means that when you do something for someone and they fail to respond in the way you imagined, that you are able to let go of the disappointment you feel and recognise you did something good for someone because you want to be good to them.

I’m empathic, a little too much. Things that seem far away get me down, words hurt me and other people’s woes and the state of the world does too. But what good is there in blocking it all out and become a boring adult? I want to stay curious, I want to see the magic in everything and everyone and I will do my best to achieve that as well as I can. It might be idealistic, difficult and not always possible. Call me naive if you will, but having faith in something bigger, call it God or just the good of people, is what moves people forward in the harshest moments. My goal is to be a certain type of person, someone who is good to others. So even if it is hard, I get frustrated and I can’t always act the way I wish to, I will do my best and keep it in mind.


How about you?

How have you helped someone you didn’t necessarily know or didn’t know you would get any special gain from recently? From putting a spider outside instead of killing it to standing up for an old lady on public transport. There are tons of small things we do because we feel it is right and because we feel a certain form of empathy for another living being and/or situation.

It’s alright to boast!

You can certainly be proud of yourself. Being humble is something I value in people, but if you know you did well bragging in a positive manner is completely okay! (don’t forget the moderation part though haha.)

Please do share that good feeling!! When you share you can inspire!
I would love to hear from you!!

-Anba

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AnbasRubbish: Motivation

What’s up my favourite internet-dwelling whippersnappers?
How’s the Potassium-life going for you? How’s it hanging?
Today I would like to venture into the topic of „motivation.”
 
Now you might ask „what brought this on? Why are we suddenly talking about motivation when all I care about is doing the singing stuff on the inter webs? I don’t need extra motivation for that lol.”
Well, dear SakuraKoKitsuneHimesan55x3SasukeRulezYolo you are indeed correct to say that we are here to have fun and to enjoy ourselves and that it usually doesn’t take a lot of effort. But, what you might not know is that even doing what you love can, overtime, become stressful and difficult to manage on top of all these other things you should be doing.

As a singing-person pioneer-veteran… your amigo?-thing I can safely say that this is something most of us go through as our interests dwindle and/or our perception of our own skills becomes stricter. This is not only applicable to singing though. In fact, what I’m going to talk about is actually stuff I found out about because I wanted to become a better student. It helped me enjoy being a student and working harder for it . This in turn has spread into my attitude towards the rest of my merry little banana life and managed to make me more motivated and self-confident about my worth and the value I can provide for other people.
In this post, I would like to try to impart these pieces of wisdom I had to learn the hard way over years to you, for free, by talking about what motivates me and how we might be able to get some of your motivation back.

Q1: Firstly, I would like to ask of you though, do you really want to try this?

The first question, for any life/vision changing step you’re undertaking in life, is if you really want to do this. Motivation might not seem like such a huge deal cause „I’m occasionally motivated” is what most people say, but if you really want to get yourself out of the dumps it’s important to be VERY honest to yourself and take the blame when it’s due, but not in a manner that paralyses you. Take the blame and be open to reassemble all of that knowledge into a motivator and teacher for your next step. Step out of that comfortable zone where you can sit in front of your laptop for hours even though you don’t feel very happy about it, and thread upon a new land which might have even better and cooler opportunities there for you that will make you into the kind of person you really want to be!

Q2: Let’s bite off the tip with the question: What is Motivation exactly?
How would we define it in one paragraph or so?

According to Merriam-Webster, a dictionary site, motivation means the following:
  • the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something : the act or process of motivating someone
  • the condition of being eager to act or work : the condition of being motivated
  • a force or influence that causes someone to do something
According to Wikipedia, Motivation means the following:
Motivation is a theoretical construct used to explain behavior. It gives the reasons for people’s actions, desires, and needs. Motivation can also be defined as one’s direction to behavior, or what causes a person to want to repeat a behavior and vice versa.[1]

  • As we can read, Motivation is closely related to a „reason” for a certain action/way of thinking.
  • It’s a state of being rather than a particular action you do and get over with „I AM motivated.”
Motivation is very much related to our goals and how much we feel they are realistic and how much we want to reach them. When you are motivated it’s easier to keep working on things you might not enjoy very much for the sake of the bigger picture. It picks you up when you’re feeling dispirited and is a contagious spark you can pass on to anyone else that has opened their mind to the possibility of doing better and having fun as they roll with it!

I’d also like to shove the notion off the table that we can’t have fun as we work hard. At the same time I would also like to emphasise that everything „fun” has a sh*t side to it.
E.g.:
  • Singing is fun, getting stupid comments on your hard work is not.
  • Doing art is fun, art theft and people thinking you’re a donkey that poops art and treating you as such suck.

Q3: The key here, is to be honest and ask ourselves „how much do we want this goal, this reward, that is connected to all this labour we’re putting into it.”

I would personally say that, for example, that getting a degree is really worth the few years of struggling it takes. But, that might not be the case for every person on this planet. If you feel it is really not and you have a different plan, then go for it.
Some of the most successful people don’t have a degree, they got somewhere on pure motivation and drive to reach their goals no matter what unconventional path they had to take.
Just remember here that every road to success requires you to extort as much effort, mentally, as would nights and nights of cramming and report writing. There is no shortcut, even so called „talented” people did not get where they got merely as a birth right. They worked hard, persevered, were motivated, took risks, etc… And that’s just how it works. Saying “I simply wasn’t born with it.” is therefore never a real excuse!
The only difference between you and them would be your amount of motivation that would catalyse behaviour that brings you closer to your goals, which could become your key to success in whatever field you venture in.
Take Art for example: you can talk to any freelance artist on the internet that is trying to pay off their bills through their art and they would tell you how hard it is. It’s hard, it makes you want to quit so many times, but they are not quitting. Why are they not quitting? Speak to the people that aren’t quitting. Surround yourself with the artists that work regularly and keep trying to improve. Where do they find their motivation? What drives them? Search until you find the one person that seems to have some sort of succes formula and learn from them.

Q4: What do you REALLY want to do? What steps do I need to take to reach my goal?

Be idealistic and realistic, the both of them seem to cancel each other out, but if you find the way in between anything is possible. Think of your dreams as business ventures rather than „impossible” or „most likely.” What kind of steps would you need to take to get to your dream? There are people that have become modern day pirates. How did they do that? It doesn’t matter what age you are at, think about it. How can I be part of this world?
Talk to people that are on this journey or that have reached the place you would like to be at. It’s okay to give phone calls to companies or just walk in and ask for a conversation.

 Now for Youtube specifically I would like to advice you to: 

  • Be pro-active and thorough. Go out of your way to look up different singers that align with your taste of music or vision for your channel.
  • Follow them on their social media accounts, look what type of people they are. Do their visions correspond to yours? Would you make a good team? Why do you think so?
  • Do not only contact them to get attention for yourself and your channel.
    Firstly, it would be respectful to create value for them: Share their music if you like it, talk about their stuff with them, see where they stand and THEN ask if they would like to join you for something you think would appeal to them, etc…
It seems like a roundabout way, but I figure that this is the most respectful way you can go about it. All it takes is sincerity and honesty to yourself.

Q5: Why do I contact people? What do I want for myself and my channel?

Do I want:
„Attention”
or
„Value”
If you choose the first then that is your vision and choice of course, but I personally believe it would decrease the value of your channel and what you do in the long run. This depends entirely, of course, on what you are offering on your channel. Some types would benefit from this, some won’t.
Now for the second choice, it will take some effort but it will pay off in the long run.
I would say, shoot until you hit that sweet spot that will land you in that place you want to be at whilst still having room to breath and enjoy yourself!!

  • Don’t be afraid to decline opportunities that are not aligned with the vision you have for yourself. Don’t worry not being in every CB/Collab/Whatever even if the other side seems like this great social media presence. If they do not align with the vision you have with your channel why bother? It would probably not benefit either of you if you end up in a project you can’t be proud of, especially if is longterm.
  • Don’t make „connections” out of the blue, create value for the person you’re connecting to and they will generate value for you.

I won’t say I’m an expert on the topic, because obviously I am not… Let’s say I’m an eternal student and someone who has a past littered with all the things you shouldn’t be doing to be a productive part of this society. These experiences, however, have lead me to change and to deeply think about the topic. Even more so than most people, who are averagely getting their stuff done, would. Simply, because everything I value is somehow also connected to being productive and motivated for what I believe in.
I’ve read books like „Outliers” and „The Power of Habit” on top of regularly listening to podcasts and reading blogs like CollegeInfoGeek’s, WtfProfessor, etc… to start developing my own methods and thinking patterns to motivate myself. This post is a very small part of a huge thing I still have, mostly, in my head and I would love to get into this subject more detailed once I got it all figured out properly. For now, a quick overview and starter for a pretty long theory that took me way longer to develop.
Thank you for your attention!
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Project B

Project B finally public, it’s… Antibeat!!

“What part of me do you like?”,
if you tell me I’ll do anything for you.
Everything, everything, just everything, well if you tell me that I’ll just…
Hate, hate, hate, hate,
I absolutely hate this me that loves you so...

Ahh, there are quite some stories I have to tell when it comes to Antibeat.

First off the vocals were recorded in May when I was feeling quite down thinking about a whole bunch of stuff.
I had a few family members and friends of the family that died close after each other, it’d be a lie to say I wasn’t affected by that. Don’t worry, I’m not going to share my dark anime main-antagonist story. There are some things even I don’t like to talk about so I’ll spare you the awkwardness haha.  Let’s say I was in a really weird mood overall and started doubting and questioning other parts of my life as well. For those that know what anti-beat is about, they can probably take a guess at what I was so troubled by.
That and the exams were also coming closer, stress max!!

So, I decided to do something about it!!

What can help more than some good old rock to blast away those insecurities and turn them into energy?
Music has this odd power to make you feel understood and not alone with your thoughts!! Lyrics and atmosphere put into sound what is living inside of you.

I felt understood and comforted, you know what to expect from a certain song when you turn it on!!
Think of all the angry teenagers in the past that listened to music as if it was some sort of comforting drug.
Singing it released a lot of tension!! Anti-beat definitely did that to me, there is one cover especially I was inspired by, can you guess which one? It translated the agression and feelings of the main character from my interpretation out perfectly!! So I tried my own go at it and tried to bring it even closer to what I thought the main character felt like!!

Now I’m all happy sappy again haha. Of course I still have moments I feel really down, some things can never be returned and as for insecurities once you have them they always are able to come back to bite you but that doesn’t mean you can just throw your life over your shoulder!! The idea should be to “keep moving forward”. The present is what it is, a present. So enjoy it even if it takes some effort to!!! => Sounding like some old grandma there so just call me Anbaachan or something…

Anyways, with that message I’ll leave you to this song!!
I hope you’ll enjoy my vocals despite their unpolishedness and that whatever I tried to cram in there reached you!!
From now on I’ll do my best more to come up with better and more polished stuff!

A great thanks to the people that helped me out with this!!
Eon, Kumi and saint!! Definitly check out their stuff whenever you can!!

See you soon for the other projects to get released!! (whisper don’t give up on me whisper)

-Anba-
List of planned projects here

 

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Collaboration with Shindehai and Pyrovulkain: First original song Nano-style !!

Hello, yellow everyone!!
How are you bunch doing? March and April’s weather makes no sense, does it?
Make sure to take an umbrella with you, you never know!! If not you can use the umbrella as an emergency parachute!! THUMBS UP
Anyways, just got a message from wordpress that it’s time for my weekly update.
So…The update of this week is THIS!!

DUN DUN DUNnnn

I did a collaboration with the super-popular french composer Shindehai and awesome french-fry guitarist/vocalist/artist/WHATEVERIDEK Pyrovulkain !!!
I took care of the vocals, I did my best to throw in rock energy!!
The lyrics are mainly by Shindehai haha, I just did harmony-like arrangements, the random sounds in the background and ending rap which I thought would make it even more Nano-style for a proper hommage to Nano!!! I hope for the Nano-fans especially but no actually everyone that they’ll like this kind of stuff from me!
I’m not even NEAR as cool as Nano but I still hope you’ll enjoy it!!
There’s even an instrumental in case you’d like to cover this as well, have fun!!
And yes the tiny giant in the picture is your banana ruler and pseudo-singer/entertainer ANBA!! YAY
I’m super nervous if you’ll like my face even a little haha, or wel euh… Half of it! ;’)

Theme of the video? PURPLE!!
Because uhm… Vuvu’s guitar is purple!! /LOGIC/

OPEN YOUR RICE!!!
NOW REAL ICE!!
ICE CREAM FOR YOU!!!

Love Nano <3!!

-Anba-